World Fark Party comes to my corner of the Earth this weekend. Yes the global meet-up of Farkers is coming to Chicago, and all the requisite information is below. Fark is by far my favorite news aggregator, and I check it multiple times a day; every day. Fark has a lot to offer, but the hilarious headlines are truly it’s calling card. Drew Curtis’ creation features the headlines that you wish news outlets would use.
They’re saying what you’re thinking. Fark headlines even been a category on the game show Jeopardy! Twice!
So, here below the World Fark Party info, we present 30 of the best Fark headlines
Friday, October 3
6pm: Meetup at Timothy O’Tooles (622 N Fairbanks Ct) — Not to be confused with Reilly O’Toole, the Illini back-up QB, who is just really awful at football.
Saturday, October 4
7pm – 10pm: Official Chicago Fark Party IV – Deuces and the Diamond (3505 N. Clark St) — It’s “Deuces” not “Douches,” so don’t act like a douche when you come to this party.
20 awesome Fark News Headlines
Ahmadinejad wants to be shot into outer space, marking the first time Ahmadinejad and Israel have agreed on anything
McAfee founder arrested by police. His 21 day free trial begins next week
New cancer drug that instructs defective DNA to self-destruct could cure half of all cancers, decimate populations of West Virginia, Kentucky, and Alabama
Robin Thicke sues Marvin Gaye’s family, apparently unaware of what Marvin Gaye’s family is capable of
Nike’s “Just Do It” slogan is now 25 years old… which makes it 15 years too old to make their shoes
ExxonMobil to extend benefits to same sex couples, doesn’t want to discriminate where someone does their drilling
Man accused of bestiality porn gets off on a technicality. Also, a horse, several dogs, a lemur and a pack of ferrets
Scientists turn a carnivorous fish into a vegetarian, presumably by the tried-and-true method: give him a vegetarian girlfriend
Fetus found in hospital trash bin, officially kicking off prom season
Entire Vatican library to be digitized across 2.8 pedobytes
Transgender high school student wins right to wear dress to prom. No word on whether it will be an original Wang
India’s ‘Disneyland’ set to open, now hiring caste members
Earth Wind and Fire concert canceled due to water
In Limerick the morn began flawless, When two women a-sudden turned lawless, They fought on the ground, With kids all around, Till both of these Erins went bragh-less
Academics warn that if Scotland becomes independent, it will risk being invaded by Russia. Sean Connery to play at least five roles in the resulting movie
Prosthetic hands stolen from car, victim unable to come to grips with loss
Lab scientists get regenerated human heart tissue to beat on its own, try to bury it under the floorboards to make the damn thing stop
Missing skydiver found 28,006 feet from where someone last saw him
Yoko Ono goes on tour of Pennsylvania fracking sites. Because if there’s one thing Yoko Ono knows about, it’s using pressure to break up rock groups
NSA chief and top deputy expected to resign later this month in order to spend more time watching your family
10 awesome Fark Sports News Headlines
Hillary Duff announces engagement to NHL player Mike Comrie. Comrie celebrated with mild checking against the boards before going five-hole
Sports radio host compares Tim Tebow to a Nazi, which is ridiculous considering the Nazis had a devastating air attack
It was a very close shave, but Americans rub out Brazilians, thanks to hot Boxx and incredible Solo performance, now on the way to World Cup climax
Former fiance of Petrino’s mistress gets first class ticket out of Fayetteville, but she will only ride coach
Steve Sabol, president of NFL Films, dies at age LXIX
West Virginia defeats Clemson 70-33 in the Orange Bowl. To put that into perspective, the last time a group of South Carolinians were beaten this badly, it ended slavery
Enver beats Allas in a game with no D
NFL to have its first full-time female referee in 2014. Instant replay on penalties not necessary since women never forget anything a man does wrong
NBA player Jason Collins comes out as gay, which makes him the third gay Wizard after Gandalf and Dumbledore
Thieves steal Roberto Luongo’s tires. Should have just waited till April when the wheels come off all by themselves
Paul M. Banks owns, operates and very often writes The Sports Bank.net ,which is partners with Fox Sports. Read his features stories in the Chicago Tribune RedEye edition. Listen to him on 1620 The Zone. Follow him on Twitter (@paulmbanks). His work has been featured in hundreds of media outlets including The Washington Post and ESPN 2