Goals. That’s what we want to see at the football. Goals. And then we want to celebrate. But while fan celebrations all follow a pattern – shout, jump up and down a bit, hug the person next to you, then applaud as the players run back to the centre circle, players have a bit more freedom.
And some players have absolutely iconic goal celebrations that they bring out time and time again. Here are six of our favourites.
Honourable Mention: Stjarnan FC
As a rule, overly-rehearsed team celebrations are more of an American thing than a European one. You won’t see a full three minute dance routine when you get Champions League tickets. But Icelandic side Stjarnan FC’s “gone fishing” celebration is just about charming enough to make even the most jaded European football fan smile. It’s much better than the goal – a tame penalty that barely merits a clap.
6: Peter Crouch – The Robot
When Peter Crouch was pictured dancing terribly at David Beckham’s party, it went viral. A 6’7” beanpole doing the robot just struck the public as a funny image. So when Crouch went on to score for England, of course he did that dance. Eventually, he got sick of the celebration, but he did wheel it out one last time. To mark the goal that broke the record for most headers scored by a single player in Premier League history.
We’re just not certain it’s his amazing dance moves that attracted lingerie model Abbey Clancy to the giant striker.
5: Jurgen Klinsmann – The Dive
Jurgen Klinsmann came to England with a bit of a reputation as a player who went down a little too easily. So what did he do after scoring for Tottenham? A full length dive. Completely airborne. Fans loved it, and kids across the country scraped knees, ruined school uniforms and got covered in mud copying it.
4: Robbie Keane – The Cartwheel
After scoring a goal you’d expect a player to be a little tired. Definitely too tired to go through a mental checklist. Run towards the touchline, check. Cartwheel, check. Forward roll, check. Machine gun, check. There’s a lot to remember, but Robbie Keane executed his celebration perfectly all over the world. Which is lucky, because you could look very stupid getting this wrong…
You couldn’t write this! ?
Leeds have completed a remarkable second-half comeback from 2-0 down ?
Luke Ayling grabs the winner in the 91st minute ? pic.twitter.com/seaEYKs78a
— Sky Sports Premier League (@SkySportsPL) March 18, 2022
3: Cristiano Ronaldo – The Power Pose
Does he look like a politician on stage at a party conference, shoulders set and feet apart? Yes.
Do fans worry he might botch the landing and turn an ankle? Yes.
Does it sound awful when kids around the world shout “SIUUUUU” in a high pitched voice? Yes.
But he’s Cristiano Ronaldo. He’s scored more goals than any man alive. If this is how he wants to celebrate, all power to him. He’s earned the right to do whatever he wants.
2: Alan Shearer – The Raised Arm
Is it a celebration as boring as Shearer’s voice on Match of the Day? Yes.
Is it genuinely too boring to write about in any detail? Yes.
Did it weird everyone out the time he raised two arms to celebrate? Yes.
But he’s Alan Shearer. He’s scored more Premier League goals than any man alive. If this is how he wants to celebrate, fair enough. It’s the goals we found exciting – for Newcastle and for England, not his slow jog while hailing a taxi celebration.
Iconic though.
1: Paul Gascoigne – The Dentist’s Chair
All the iconic celebrations on this list are iconic because of repetition. Ronaldo’s shouted SIUUU more times than he’s had hot dinners. Shearer probably had an RSI in that shoulder by the end of his career.
This happened once. And everyone who bought Euros tickets, or who saw it on TV, will remember it forever.
Scotland miss a penalty. Gazza gets the ball, chips it over Colin Hendry, takes it down and hammers it past the Scotland keeper before mimicking the infamous “dentist’s chair” drinking game he’d been slated for in the papers just a few weeks before.
What a player. What a goal. What a celebration.
Truly iconic.